"They came out of nowhere," Kennedy told police. "I was just walking along when suddenly someone shouted 'Oh yeah!' as he jumped out of the shadows. The next thing I knew, these three goons were pounding on me. Thankfully, I managed to fight them off and run away. I think one of them was dressed like Dracula but he smelled vaguely like chocolate."
WASHINTON, D.C. — Presumptive cabinet member and amateur bodybuilder Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was reportedly attacked late last night by a gang of assailants matching the description of Count Chocula, Chester Cheetah, and the Kool-Aid Man.
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